Life Lesson # 10 – They call it a ball and chain for a reason

At 6:30am this morning, my alarm sounded to alert me of a new day. I opened my eyes and realized that today is D-day. JLo’s emancipation, my independence day if you will.

The lawyer (and my friend) who helped me with my divorce case recently had a baby so she was not available to take me to the courthouse today. Instead, I went with one of her colleagues, a lawyer I had not met before. I met her at the law office and we walked over to the courthouse together. As we awaited our turn to meet with the judge she asked, “I don’t mean to pry, but why are you getting divorced?”

I don’t mind when people ask me this question and I am happy to share the story. I divulged the 10 minute version as she stared at me with her mouth open in total shock. I told her that I was writing a book about what happened and how I dug myself out of emotional hell. “Please let me know when you finish your book, I want to read it.” I promised her that I would let the firm know when I finish it. Turns out my substitute lawyer got involved in family law as a result from her own experience with a failed marriage. She shared a little of her story with me.

After 30 minutes of waiting in the courthouse hallway on the 10^th floor, we were called into the court room. I entered alongside my lawyer and sat on the left side of the table labeled “Petitioner.” Across the table, no one sat at the side of the table labeled “Respondent.” Hm, the irony in this scene cracks me up.

The judge: “Please hold up your right hand.”

I raise my right hand.

The judge: “Do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth?”

Me: “Yes, I do.”

The judge turned to my lawyer and signaled for her to go ahead.

Lawyer: “Please state your name.”

Me: “Jamie Long”

Lawyer: “Who are you currently married to?”

Me: *insert douchebag’s name here*

Lawyer: “When were you married?”

Me: “August 15^th, 2008.”

Lawyer: “Did you willingly enter into the Marital Settlement Agreement dated March 10, 2010?”

Me: “Yes.”

Lawyer: “Is this your and your husband’s signature here?”

Me: “Yes.”

Lawyer: “Do you swear that your marriage is irreparably broken?”

Me: “Yes.”

The lawyer turns to the judge and says, “that is all.”

The judge: “So you are a psychologist?” (I assume he read my file prior to me entering the courtroom, otherwise I do not know how he knew that about me). I was a bit surprised to be making small talk with the judge, but I didn’t mind. “Yes, I am a psychologist,” I answer.

He asks me about my line of work and encourages me to become involved in forensic psychology. “I hear they do well financially,” he remarks. I promise him that I will keep that in mind for my future professional endeavors. He smiles at me and says, “I hope things get better for you.” I warmly smile back towards the friendly circuit judge and say, “your honor, they already have. They most certainly already have.”

In the background I hear the sound of a large thud. It was the sound of the presiding circuit judge stamp hitting the stack of papers of my divorce case. His secretary hands me a “true copy” of case NO. blah blah blah. I look down at the stamped paperwork and realize that at this exact moment, I became officially divorced.

As my lawyer walked me to the elevator where she would leave me to go on to her next case, she said goodbye. “I usually don’t say congratulations after these sorts of things, but to you I will say it.” I laughed and agreed with her that congratulations are definitely in order.

I was prepared to feel a multitude of feelings today. I wasn’t sure if I would feel sad or what. Turns out, I feel completely elated. I am so proud of myself and what I have overcome. I feel like I won something. Perhaps, in a way, I sort of did.

As fate would have it, one of my “baller anthems” was playing on BPM as I drove away from the courthouse. On a perfect South Florida morning, with my top down and my hair blowing in the wind, I fist pumped all the way down Andrews Avenue. Fittingly, I leave you with the lyrics of the song that was playing, Medina “You and I.” Enjoy.

Nothing left for me to say
There's no more wicked games to play
It's time for me to walk away
I am all right

I feel like I'm on a high
A new beginning that is my life
I'm turning to the rhythm of the night
I am all right

The music is making me grow
The only thing that keeps me awake is me knowing
There's no one here to break me or bring me down
And no one here to hurt me or fool around

I have no more time for you to hurt my feelings
Done enough to prove I'm all that I believe in
We are at the end no more stupid lies
I'm better off without you here by my side

So no there is no longer you and I - you and I
You and I - you and I
You and I - you and I
You and I
There is no longer you and I - you and I
You and I - you and I
You and I - you and I
You and I

Don't care what other people say
I know you fool around all day
Now it doesn't hurt me anyway
I am all right

And when the day turns into night
I'm in a club forgetting you and I
And when I think of how you treated me
You proved me right

So no there is no longer you and I - you and I