In the heart
of Kaanapali Maui, Pu'u Keka'a (aka Black Rock) separates the beach into two halves. According to Hawaiian legend, the last chief of Maui, Kahekili (Thunderer), proved his spiritual strength by leaping from sacred Pu’u Keka’a into the Pacific. Thereafter, the legend remained that the spirits of warriors left the earth to meet their ancestors by leaping from this rock. Today, Hawaiians believe that this sacred place is where ancestor spirits continue to lovingly watch over the land and its people.
I went to Maui with a few goals in mind -- one of them was to leap from this sacred rock. My first attempt at the rock (yesterday) failed miserably. I sat on the beach gazing at the volcanic rock as I painfully watched nervous jumpers stand atop the cliff looking down into the ocean. The anticipation was agonizing to witness. They walked to the edge, looked down and walked away in distress. The jumpers sat down, and again gazed into the water again. Finally a few brave individuals jumped in an ungraceful manner resulting in a plop into the water some distance below.
I read of Black Rock jumps and wasn't sure how to even get to the top of its surface. Black Rock is a cliff and you would literally have to scale up the rocks 30-40 feet to the top. You can either climb 50 yards to the rock's base or swim along its outer ledge. Personally, the swim is a better choice.
Cowardly, I rationalized that I didn't need to jump off Black Rock as I originally planned and I successfully convinced myself back to the hotel.
The next day, circumstances brought me back to Kaanapali Beach, home of Black Rock. My friend, Lauren, persistently contacted me with loving yet berating messages encouraging me to face my fears. She knew I was afraid of heights and I was afraid of jumping Black Rock. By now, I had zero intention of jumping the rock. I had successfully excused myself from facing a fear. But her persistence poked at my logical side. I knew I was afraid. I knew I was in emotional pain. I knew that I would hate myself if I didn't follow through with the promise (to myself and others) to jump off Black Rock.
An hour later that same day, I found myself sitting atop the sandy beach on my towel staring at the rock once more. "Well we meet again Black Rock," I sarcastically said to myself. This time there was no excuse. I purchased sea booties to protect my feet from the climb and a nice couple was willing to watch my stuff. "Are you gonna go up there?" the friendly couple asked. "Yup. I'm gonna go up there," I answered.
The moment I answered the couple, some sort of unexplained calming force overcame me and without hesitation I waded into the ocean and began to swim 150 yards out to the rock. When I arrived to the ocean side base of Black Rock, I held onto the cliff with waves crashing into my back as I stared up to the top 40 feet above. I began to pull my body up one step at a time, hanging onto any nook or crevice I could find. The climb was rigorous and required a bit of balance and strength. But like most things, it was tolerable...one step at a time.
Once I breathlessly arrived to the top I was greeted by three male jumpers (or my fellow warriors). One young man had a look of panic on his face. I asked him for tips to jumping off the rock. "I haven't jumped yet, I'm too scared," he said. It was windy and scary for anyone fearful of heights. I knew that the longer I stayed at the top of the rock, the greater my anxiety would become and the more likely I would rationalize quitting. Jumping was the only option and I needed to do it quickly.
I walked to the cliff's edge and was bombarded with the surprise of wind gusts powerful enough to jar an moose six inches or more. Shit. I need to jump now or I will bounce off this rock like a
spelunking flea. With the wind blowing into my face, I took a regrettable look down into the Pacific. ...Shit, I'm fucking higher than I thought...
My organs all felt as if they were clumped into my throat, transcending into intense anxiety bordering a panic attack. I attempted to balance myself along the edge yet it was difficult with the wind and fear. I asked a young man if he would hold my hand as I got to the edge. He cheerfully obliged and quickly counted "1, 2, 3, Go!" "You're kidding right? That was a little fast," I joked. "Do it one more time, but slower," I instructed. He began his count again doing it much slower and this time I focused on each count: "1......2......3....."
At the count of three, something interesting happened. I felt angry. Really angry. I pushed my body forward and I began to let go. As I fell toward the ocean and felt my very last toe leave Black Rock, I felt every sensation of tension, negativity or stress get sucked behind me as if it was retracted by a magnet. I saw a flash of all the hell I recently encountered: memories of the most excruciating heart break of my life, betrayal, rejection, loneliness, depression, fear...As I soared through the air, I watched my past fade away behind me. Within nanoseconds I felt completely and utterly at peace. As I plunged toward the Pacific, only the whistling of air passed my ears.... and then... BOOM!
I hit the warm ocean surface two seconds later and felt the pacific waters embrace my fall like a familiar hug from your favorite grandmother. She smelled of ocean, fresh air, and love. Comfortable in the womb of
Pu'u Keka'a (Black Rock's water), I accepted the swirls of ocean all around me, twisting and turning me like a swaddled baby. With confidence, I swam back to the top to retrieve my breath.
The sense of peace I experienced below the surface of the ocean was replaced with euphoria. Once I reached the surface, my lungs filled with crisp air and I raised my arms above the water and cheered.
"WOOHOO! I screeched!
I looked above to the cliff with the three remaining jumpers -- they were smiling down at me and clapping.
"How was it?" the one terrified jumper with wide eyes asked.
"It was awesome!" I shouted back. "Come on, you can do it! Go!"
The terrified man looked straight ahead and then he jumped.
I swam back to shore still feeling the rush of what I had just accomplished. After two arm stokes I turned on my back and floated with tears in my eyes and gazed upon Black Rock. An immense feeling of pride filled my body as I processed what just happened. With the encompasing feeling of pride came a feeling of pure freedom. I paused to gaze upon the rock as I swam to shore and I thought to myself, "
Pu'u Keka'a now holds my past." "What happened is gone and now I am here with only myself and my dreams."
Today, I left my past at Black Rock. I no longer have anything to prove to myself or to anyone. I am who I am. I feel that there is nothing I cannot overcome and little I cannot accomplish with determination and desire. Yesterday is gone and today is now. Just like that, my leap led me to freedom and left behind the hurt and despair I once felt. I have a blessed life to live -- so I am going to live it, starting now.
