Wine in a box. Is there anything more flippin' genius than that? Dr. William Thomas Angove was probably pretty proud of himself when he invented the resealable plastic bag in a cardboard box. It wasn't a simple creation, in fact, it took approximately two years to develop. Unfotunately, Dr. Angove passed away on March 31, 2010 92 years-young. To honor this great man and his innovative creation, Fort Lauderdale had a Boxed Wine Bike Rally (BWBR). The Rally has occurred on two other occasions in the past, I wasn't invited to those. Perhaps, this BWBR had a very significant and special meaning in our hearts due to Dr. Angove's passing.
The memorial began in the afternoon hours under the South Florida sun on a white sandy beach beside the emerald green ocean. Before I left my home, I packed by backpack with some essentials for the day: sunscreen, a sheet, a camera, homemade memorial ribbons to wear, and of course the bladder from my boxed wine.
I hoped on Betty the Beach Cruiser and hit the road to the beach. That was the third time I have ridden my bicycle. You see, I am pretty uncoordinated on the bike (and uncoordinated generally speaking) and I get nervous about riding. As I approached my phobia (the Las Olas Bridge), my heart began to accelerate and I was plagued with self deprecating thoughts about my ability to conqor the bridge. I tried to practice cognitive restructuring to combat my negative thinking with thoughts such as "I can do this, you practiced biking all day yesterday." I dropped Betty's gear to the easy one, stood up and began to vigorously peddle up the bridge. After a few seconds I found myself saying, "Eff this!" I got off the bike and walked her up the rest of the way. Oh well.
The first few hours of the BWBR was spent at the beach doing the usual things, sexy time balloon relay races, popping a squat on a sheet, and updating your facebook status obnoxiously often.
After we achieved an alarming level of intoxication, we jumped on our bikes to begin rallying. Stop one, the brand spanking new upstairs bar at McSorely's. It was suhweet. I think I saw a monkey swinging from the trees next to the bar. Stop two was Primanti Brothers for some grub. Yummo. Stop three was the Kava bar where I am pretty sure we almost got kicked out. I think the Kava people didn't appreciate our rowdiness in their peaceful zen sanctuary. However, to our advantage the Kava bartender took a liking to one of us and we were allowed to stay. Stop four was Kim's Alley Bar where we ruled the juke box and played erotic photo hunt. The final stop of the Rally was downtown Ft. Lauderdale to catch death metal band, MURDEROUS RAMPAGE! (I have an innapropriate crush on the bass guitarist) and to continue drinking from the bladder of wine. I climbed a tree and wasn't allowed to ride my bike anymore.
I cannot sufficiently describe what I felt the next day. I woke up with feet as black as night, serious head pain, and freakish nausea. I tried to keep my sh*t together, but failed. Unfortunately, I vomited four times (once in the kitchen sink). Man, that was rough. I'm okay now though (in case you were wondering).
I learned a few things from the BWBR. (1) Boxed wine is AHMAZING, I will definitely be purchasing it more often (2) My biking confidence is positively correlated with my intoxication level (3) Just because I don't get sick at night doesn't mean I won't get sick the next day
All in all, BWBR will be mentally noted as highly pleasurable event. I think it made me a better person. I am getting closer to self actualization. Fist pump.
*Photo courtesy of Miguel Triple Threat Bravo
No comments:
Post a Comment